If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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