I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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