I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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