dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want to make out with him forever
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
