I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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