Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
