So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize