it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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