I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
