Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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