I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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