Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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