if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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