you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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