Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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