was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
