Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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