Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
