I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
