need another drink. this is the easiest way
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
