Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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