we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize