In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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