Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
