I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
