I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
