Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
