well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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