he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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