the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
