Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The uberlube is also flammable
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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