So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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