so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
