Those balls look pretty dangerous.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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