I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The air taste purple.
Randomize
