I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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