Where did you get a picture of my penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
