Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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