My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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