just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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