Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
