i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
