Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
