someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
