Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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