just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
