Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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