Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
