god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize