my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
