Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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