I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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