My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
