A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
