Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
