Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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