I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
