this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
