So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
