I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I smell like Dick and happiness
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
