True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
