Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
