Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
