Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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