I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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