mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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