walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
