at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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