I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize