I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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